My beautiful wife and I are both loyal Benedictine College Ravens. She’s completing her final semester of Civil Engineering, I am graduated and work as the college’s Social Media Specialist. We met at Benedictine in November 2016 and were dating a few months later. In December of 2018 I proposed, and in August of 2019, we married. It’s been a beautiful journey. But not without its bumps.
(PSA: follow nickmartinmke on Instagram to see the day-to-day adventures of Jules and I!) Juliana and I were apart from each other for a considerable amount of the time we dated. A while back, I wrote about our experience on long-distance relationships. Now that we’re married, it’s interesting to look back at all the work it took to make it here. We’ve both learned a lot along the way. Jules and I thought we'd share some of the things we've learned. Today, it's my turn. 1. Mindedness. G.K. Chesterton once said, “don’t be so open-minded your brains fall out.” Being okay with anything, taking everything as it comes and going with the flow is a dangerous approach in life. Applied to relationships, it leads to making decisions based on feeling rather than a combination of consideration, discipline and emotion (emotion is an important component, but it cannot guide the way without consideration and discipline). At the same time, don’t be so closed-minded you make it impossible for God to act in your life. Provided you’re living morally and virtuously, adding any more hard limiters to dating should be done with prayer and consideration. A dating fast, for instance, can be a valuable tool for healing from past wounds or growing in virtue. It can also be used as an excuse not to pursue the vocation God is calling you to. Be careful not to limit the Holy Spirit with the guidelines you set for yourself. Thought one is Mindedness: use your faculties to stay on the right path, but at the same time have the courage to go at God’s pace. 2. Communication. Everyone says that in a relationship, communication is key. Well, it’s important before dating, too. If a guy has a good relationship with a girl and would like to date her, he should tell her so. The reason why, as men, we often don’t is because we’re afraid of rejection. (And by the way, no decision should never be made out of fear - except maybe running from a wild animal). So instead we flirt and hint and look for signs, the result of which is the we put the burden of risk on the lady, who then has to hit her man with a baseball bat to get a message through. Guys, just be direct. rejection will not hurt as much or for as long, and success will feel even better. If a girl likes a guy, she needs to stand by the punch bowl. Ladies, don’t ask men out, you probably don’t want a guy who isn’t courageous enough to ask you first anyways. But also, don’t think waiting on him means making it difficult as difficult as you can. Give him opportunities to reach out to you. When you’re at the dance, stand by the punch bowl so he can offer you a drink and ask for a dance. Ladies, if you don’t like a guy who asks you out, be direct. He had the courage and respect to ask you out, have the courage and respect to tell him the facts. There’s nothing worse than when “maybe some other time” really means “absolutely not.” Thought two is Communication: pursue clarity and practice directness. 3. Understand Obstacles and Barriers. Learn the difference between obstacles and barriers. This is a critical distinction that most of us fail to make all the time. Obstacles can be overcome, barriers cannot. Obstacles are healthy junctures couples reach that help a relationship grow or help them to see their weaknesses. Barriers problems so significant as to make a healthy, happy relationship impossible. There are two common ways that we fail to understand the difference between obstacles and barriers.
Hope that's helpful! Next time we'll have "Some Thoughts On Dating, Part: Jules."
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The most beloved film series in cinematic history, and I have the unmitigated audacity to rank the episodes. But "the dark side of the force is a pathway to many things which some consider to be... unnatural." So, with the unlimited power of the force, I have only one thing further to say before presenting my list: this IS the blog post you're looking for.
11. Solo. What even? Cool to see Darth Maul, I guess. 10. The Last Jedi. Lots of problems. The Last Jedi was two hours of aha moments followed immediately by just kidding moments. 9. The Rise of Skywalker. The most fun to watch of the new films. The story arcs of Rey and Kylo Ren wrap up well, and it’s always nice to see the baddest villain that ever was bad. 8. Rogue One. Perhaps the most lauded of the new films. It’s a good story, it doesn’t rely on fan servicy returns of old characters, and it explains important historical events that make A New Hope possible. 7. The Force Awakens. So if Attack of the Clones is so terrible, why rank it ahead of the sequel trilogy? Basically, because George Lucas had creative control of the prequels and were therefore the work of the creator’s hand so to speak. Anything not made by Lucas is automatically docked for it’s indirect lineage. The Force Awakens is ultimately the best new film because it more or less remakes the original. 6. Attack of the Clones. I hope we can all agree that this is the worst prequel? Terrible terrible dialogue. Sure, Jar Jar’s role is cut back substantially, but other characters more than make up with minutes worth of cringy screen time. All I really have to say about Attack of the Clones and it’s effect on the Star Wars universe is that it’s like sand. 5. Revenge of the Sith. This is the prequel that most consider the best. And indeed, it is the most watchable. But only because of it’s action sequences. Without them, it’s a film whose climax (the turning of Anakin to the Dark Side) is barely two thirds of the way in and the rest is all fall out. 4. The Phantom Menace. You’re probably thinking “This movie stinks! It’s the worst of the prequels! How could he pick it?!” Here me out… If you can look past Jar Jar Binks (a difficult task, I’ll admit) what you’ve got is a fascinating, multi-layered mystery as to the existence of an evil imposter and his influence in the galaxy. 3. The Return of the Jedi. The most controversial installment of the original trilogy. Do we like Ewoks, do we not? The cuddly yet fierce teddy bears are notoriously divisive. Setting them aside though, Return completes wraps up the original trilogy without any loose ends or unanswered questions. And the redemption at the end of the film is the most powerful moment in the entire Star Wars universe. 2. The Empire Strikes Back. From my experience, this is the most universally liked episode. It’s the original Star Wars, but with a more complex story, more resources and the biggest reveal in cinematic history. Nearly everyone has Empire among their top three favorite Star Wars movies. 1. Star Wars. More than simply being “The one that started it all,” Star Wars (A New Hope) is the perfect film. There are enough established actors to give the film credibility, enough new faces to make the cast unique. There were enough funds to do everything well, but few enough that creativity and ingenuity were not suffocated. The story is new enough that it was the first of its kind, yet timeless enough that the characters seem like our close friends from the very first moment. There’s a suspense this film somehow builds without ever making you despair for Luke and the Rebels. There’s mystery and intrigue without potholes or cliffhangers. It stands alone perfectly, and yet leaves room for subsequent installments to tie themselves in. That's my list! If you'd like more, check out the podcast I recorded about The Rise of Skywalker. I like to make lists. I have checklists, grocery lists, to-dos… the list goes on! ;)
But the kind of list I’ve been most enamored with lately has to do with rankings. I rank all sorts of things. Up to now, every list has been about which things like best (i.e. top films). Today I’m going to take this in a little different direction. This list is related to my most recent one, where I presented my 25 favorite musical artists. Creating the list got me to thinking: considering my musical tastes, what bands do I know about that I should like, but don’t? The artists which appear on this list are not bad artists. On the contrary, they’re on this list because I recognize their objective quality, even if they happen not to resonate with me. So please don’t think too harshly of me if you find one of your favorite bands here. I have respect for every one of these musicians, if not affection. 1. The Who. Were I asked to produce a Mount Rushmore 70s rock n roll bands, The Who would be on it (along with Led Zeppelin, The Rolling Stones and Pink Floyd). They’ve got a signature sound, they influenced generations of new musicians, they were even friends with many of my favorite bands… 2. Queen. Of all rock n roll subgenres, glam rock is the worst. More often than not, bands just come off as eccentric, peddling phonies. Not the case with Queen. They were able to pull off their glamness because they owned it without forcing it. Queen are one of the few bands who kept the flame of rock n roll alive through the 80s. 3. Tom Petty. Listen to ‘Free Fallin’ and tell me when you think it came out. Based on the style, who it’s popular with and the radio stations it’s on, it seems to fit pretty well in the mid-70s era. “Free Fallin” was released in 1989. Petty has perhaps the most universal sound of any rock n roller. 4. Bob Dylan. How can you be a rock n roller and not like ol’ Bob? 90% of the time somebody covers a song, it was written Bob Dylan. He is possibly the most talented writer of the 20th century. 5. Bruce Springsteen. I feel ashamed even having him on this list. To many people, Bruce is a symbol of rock n roll and America itself. It’s unpatriotic to dislike Bruce Springsteen. |
Nick MartinMy name is Nick Martin. I write sometimes. These are my thoughts. Archives
July 2021
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