Recently I became engaged to the most fantastic woman I have ever known. We met two and a half years ago in College. She and I began dating in April. 2017. I graduated only a month later.
Ever since, we’ve been doing “the long distance thing.” We text throughout the day, talk on the phone at night, and try to see each other at least a few days a month. Right now, it’s been 34 days since the last time we were together. Long distance really stinks. We both have busy, often conflicting schedules and talking doesn’t work out as often as we would like. It’s difficult to be open and vulnerable with a cell phone. Often times, my fiancé and I find ourselves getting worked up over nothing; little things that we know don’t affect us when we’re together. Being far apart adds a lot of stress to our lives. But here’s the thing. Long distance has made our relationship so much better. As I mentioned, spending roughly 18 of our 22 months as a couple in different states hasn’t been easy. It’s emotionally draining, totally unrewarding, and comes with none of the perks of an ordinary relationship. But that’s exactly why it’s had such a positive impact. There are no goggles. My fiancé and I have had to work, almost from day one, to maintain a healthy, loving relationship. We never had the luxury of hiding behind the perks of dating. Where ordinary couples got to hold hands, go on long walks and make googly eyes at each other, we have to talk. In a strange way, being apart has forced us to get to know each other better, because there is nothing else we can do. Difficulty level: legendary. Generally, video games have multiple difficulties, and it makes sense to start at the easier ones and work up. Well, long distance relationships are a video game that has no easy game. It’s difficult. All the time. The only way the relationship survives is if both people are really committed, have the right chemistry, and the patience to see it through. There are no bad long distance relationships (or very few), because they quickly collapse from the pressure. If a long distance relationship lasts, it’s because it’s a good relationship. One of the hardest things about all relationships is that they have to be other centered. To put it a different way: relationships require individuals to place more importance on their partner than on themselves. Naturally, the reason we enter a relationship is for love and support. But we only get that through providing those same things to our partners. The more selfish an individual is in a relationship, the more it will suffer. In long distance relationships, there’s even less room for selfishness. Any act requires selflessness; any act requires both people to be other centered. If I’ve explained myself well, long distance relationships should sound like a pain in the rear. Still, they’re awesome. Nothing has helped me see our relationship more clearly than viewing it at a distance. Nothing has made me feel more close to my fiancé than having to be apart. Nothing has prepared me more for marriage than the daily grind of selfless love required in our long distance relationship. Is long distance fun? No way. Is it worth it? More than I can say.
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Nick MartinMy name is Nick Martin. I write sometimes. These are my thoughts. Archives
July 2021
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