As of today, Juliana and I have been married for one year. I’m so blessed to have such a beautiful, kind and committed woman in my life.
While I think that I was relatively well-prepared for marriage, I also believe that it’s one of those things that no one is really ready for until they’re actually faced with it; you have to rise to the occasion. I believe that marriage, children and many are things besides… if you wait until you’re prepared, you’ll spend your whole life waiting. Only beginning the journey can equip you with the tools you need to actually succeed. So, with that in mind, here are some of the the tools I’ve gained, some of the lessons I’ve learned, precisely one year into the journey. (Also, make sure you check out what my wife wrote) 1. Don’t allow your spouse to annoy you. Inevitably, once you’ve been living in close quarters with someone for long enough, you not only learn their idiosyncrasies, but they begin to feel like nails on a chalk board. Shuffling feet, constantly singing only 2 seconds of dozens of songs, leaving dirty dishes on the counter (one of those is mine, one is hers, one is fake. Guess!). My default whenever I see something I don’t like is to point it out immediately in an effort to solve it. But 99% of the time, that thing I don’t like is not only harmless, but very difficult for the other person to avoid. And a lot of the time, we both stand more to gain from me learning patience, than my spouse trying to change a minor idiosyncrasy. 2. Self-love is self-destructive. Taking care of yourself is essential. And if you aren’t taking care of yourself, then you can’t properly care for others. But there’s a myth that, unless we place prioritize our own needs, that we’ll end of disappointed and unhappy. But the emptiness in our lives can’t be filled from within; it can't be filled with self-centered selfishness. The only way to find contentment and happiness is to find meaning outside of yourself. And marriage is a life-long opportunity to do exactly that. Marriage is an agreement and a commitment to pour your energy into the well-being of not only your spouse, but into all your children as well. 3. Give yourself time (and food) to calm down. I’m sort of stealing this one from Juliana. But hey, we’re married so what’s mine is hers and vise versa. When I get into a disagreement, my instinct is to carry out the debate until there’s a resolution. But more often than not, I get more worked up, Juliana get more stubborn, and neither of us is very happy. What I’ve found can make a world of difference is just taking a few minutes to cool down. Go for a walk, do the dishes… after a few minutes, I start to calm down and I start thinking clearly again. As a bonus, another thing that helps is eating. We’ve all heard of being “hangry” (angry because you’re hungry). If you’re angry, try eating a little snack. I’m not kidding. No one’s happy on an empty stomach. Juliana really is the best. We went into marriage knowing that it was going to be a challenge, knowing that there would be times when we drive each other crazy. But I knew there was no one I’d rather go through life with than her, and she seemed to feel the same about me. The frustration and the struggles pale in comparison to the joy Juliana has brought into my life. I’m so grateful for her. Happy anniversary, Juliana!
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August 2020
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